( Peter Kramer )
Elton John named Lady Gaga as godmother to his son on “Saturday Night Live.”
He wasn’t joking.
(Isn’t he atheist?)
“She believes that you can be whoever you want to be and that we don’t have to live in a world of conformity and that we can all [benefit] from individuality.”
Too bad we’re all banging that bandwagon. (Except for the elephants. It’s a gangbang, GOP, hop on!)
Elton’s need to lock down a superstar is simply a measure to curb his saggy fame from spinning stagnant.
Sir, I live where the dogs of society howl. Let me hump some spotlight.
Alas, I can’t keep you in your penthouse, so I’ll go back to my plough.*
I hope Bieber is the godfather.
*Goodbye Yellow Brick Road lyrics. Come on, kids.
Such sTORIed tales, dear
Tori Spelling’s gaping cleavage: Please swallow your owner.
“Inn Love” and “Home Sweet Hollywood” provided us with sufficient outlets to survey feigned love.
Now, she and hubby Dean McDermott are wedding planners in a new reality show, “sTORIbook Weddings.”
“It’s totally D.I.Y,” Tori told Access Hollywood. “We do everything. (Dean) builds like, the trays for all the hors d’oeuvres and like big things.”
(And like big things.)
The gulch between your faux jugs has spurred nightmares since 90210 (circa 1991). Let this be your last tube jaunt, please.
Praise salary I don’t have cable.
And like big things.
He’s saving the world one civil rights savior cartoon image at a time.
Since Arnold Schwarzenegger can’t run for president *boisterous whew,* the former California governor is gracing his face to anime and playing a superhero who rides a motorcycle-helicopter hybrid in “Governator.”
(Spelling, hold me.
The cleavage just bit me.)
Parenthesis haiku. Good times.
Riveting, Mr. Bodybuilder-turned-actor-turned-governor-turned-actor. Does your husband ride the colorful wave too? Ahem. Maria Shriver.
Dammit, all this excitement and now I have to go get a rabies shot. Thanks Tori.
Palin gets rich
Bristol Palin earned more than a quarter million for raising awareness about teen pregnancy prevention in 2009, the Associated Press reports.
“If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment,” she previously said.
Good thing that sense of accomplishment came in the form of a teen pregnancy and 11 times my salary. Solid work.
Porn star rum
Porn star Ron Jeremy, 57, branded his own rum called Ron de Jeremy.
The booze connoisseur* in me tells me to suck on this. Alas, I won’t. His mug graces the bottle.
I wonder if it’s wrapped in a Magnum.
*Of the well varieties.