Breaking news.
Taylor Momsen and Jessica Szohr are leaving “Gossip Girl” after this season.
Rumor has it, Momsen found a happy unicorn mounting a rainbow in a field of puppies and had to go punch it.
xoxo, Gossip Girl.
Kirstie blah, blah, blah Alley
Kirstie Alley’s calorie intake has come into question.
Holy hell. Read my shock: .
“I’m not going like, ‘Oh! I’m not going to eat!’ I just wasn’t paying attention… It was a very intense time trying to get something right and I just didn’t notice that my blood sugar had dropped,” she said, after being ridiculed for not eating much during “Dancing With the Stars.”
Blah, blah, blah.
Her weight charade circles endlessly like sticks of deep-fried butter fluttering around Paula Dean’s coif.
No judgement here. Be large and in charge. Just shut up about it.
Your story is as tired as John Travolta’s bathhouse on a Sunday morning.
The name game
My homie Brad asked me on Facebook:
“Please find out why Alicia Silverstone named her new baby ‘Bear Blu.’ Why not ‘Beurre Blanc’?
Let’s discuss. (Naming a baby “white butter” would be, um, neat.)
Regrettably, the “kid-will-be-ridiculed-his-whole-life” theory took a shit at Prince Michael II, i.e., Blanket.
(Fine, it dive-bombed centuries before that, but I’m too lazy to Google stupid celebrity baby names from 1893.)
Bear will be among the ranks of Audio Science, Diva Thin Muffin, Moxie Crimefighter and Jermajesty. (All real celeb baby names.)
You see, when Bear is being pummeled on the playground by Nicholas Cage’s son, Kal-El, he can be like:
“Dude, go punch Jason Lee’s kid on the monkey bars over there — his name is Pilot Inspektor. I mean, come on!”
The complicated equation to the quandary is quite simple: People are stupid.
(I’m going to name my child Dumpster Bob.)
It’s like mathletes’ desire to pump out prose. Or proctologists who yearn to paint.
Naming your future child “Transient Soda Seven” does not make you creative. It makes you stupid. Now get back to “Little Fockers.” Or whatever “arthouse” cinema you were watching.
Oh, Aaaahhhnald
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are so over.
It took her 25 years to realize she’s been banging He-Man’s slow bro.
Silly goose. You always wondered why pens continuously burst all over the sheets (and the computer screen).
Condolences, Shriver. Those sly cartoons will sneak up on you.
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