M egan Fox got canned from the third installment of “Transformers” for being an asshole.
We knew this, but went along with her pious facade because she has cool eyes.
Some of the cast and crew are now busting her (strategically-tucked) balls to GQ because of her comparison of director Michael Bay to Hitler.
Shia LaBeouf told the mag that there’s a difference between criticism and hissy fits: “She started shit-talking our captain.”
Fox apparently had a hard time showing up on time (aside from constant scorn).
Bitch, suck it up and dress in a smile.
And at my-yearly-salary-per-her-one-hour wage, you will skin a wombat and wear his grin if that’s what the boss wants.
(A road-kill one. PETA’s right behind you.)
TV wedding. Joy.
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are going to televise their wedding on TLC.
I just wet myself, exclamation point
They want bank. Hell, I’ll televise a bleed-dry timelapse of my whiskey bottle for cash. I get it.
Here’s the problem:
“Nick and Vanessa are today’s ‘it’ couple and the excitement for their wedding keeps building,” a general manager of TLC said in a statement.
Today’s “it” couple. Hmmm.
As in, like, Cousin It(t)?
I’m confused. Who put the 1998 (degrees) press release in my inbox?
Hold me.
Don’t make me explain 98 Degrees. It hurts.
Twitter! Twitter! Twitter!
Twitter!
Roger Ebert is in a spicy Twi-ckle. (Twitter pickle. Crickets?)
He tweet-jabbed: “Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive,” referring to “Jackass” cast member Ryan Dunn’s death in a fiery crash.
Oh, tweet.
Bam Margera tweet-torted:
“I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of shit roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents.”
Ebert tweet-pologized.
Then, I started slicing at my wrists with a plastic butter knife because I turned Twitter into an adjective, noun, verb and shit.
Can you tell? Nah.
Doug Hutchison, 51, married a 16 year old.
(He was on “Lost” or something. She’s an aspiring pop singer. I bet.)
“We’re aware that our vast age difference is extremely controversial,” the couple said in a statement.
No.
So. Are you going to tell him she’s a teenager? I’m kind of busy.
Wasn’t she like 13 like two days ago? (I write. No math.)
It’s cute — her mom signed a permission slip for the Vegas nuptials.
Now go get your period, girl. You’ll be a woman soon!
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