Ball out, bitches.
(Something about a horse and a rodeo. I said ball. Ha.)
Rawhide!
What? Half of my fam is from North Dakota. I know rodeo terms.
Fine. I Googled it.
So, after learning that Arnold Schwarzenegger is joining the cast of “Last Stand,” I rounded up my tenderfeet and wrangled in a herd of mustangs bearing vats of whiskey so I could forget that I discovered this information.
It’s a Western.
Arnie, I’ve conjured a to-do list (you’re welcome): 1. Take an acting class. (I hear Paul Walker is cheap. That’s what it says in the men’s room.) 2. For the love of broncobusters, drop the accent. It’s an old-fashioned Western, foo. If I recall 4th grade history correctly, I don’t quite remember John Wayne oft mingling with Austrians around the campfire.
Sidenote: I kinda had a good time Googling “cowboy terms.”
Superhero’s shrink
Captain America has a shrink.
Hot dog.
Chris Evans just advanced to Google.
(I didn’t know who he was. I do now. G, thanks for the info. Damn, I’m pimping you out today. Call me.)
Evans told The New York Times that before filming “Captain America: The First Avenger,” he decided to go to therapy to avoid “panic mode.”
(Something about his fear of achieving super stardom.)
“The question is: What’s the endgame? What’s the goal? If the goal is to be a giant movie star, then yeah, this is a great way to achieve that. That’s not necessarily what I’m trying to achieve.”
Oh plug it, six-pack. After the three-flick franchise you’ll be able to purchase new emotions, you big, strong superhero.
Postscript: Noble reveal, kid. Therapy is tops.
I’ll give you a goddess
Bree Olson (Charlie Sheen’s “goddess”) is boasting to Playboy about her and that whack crack in the sack.
(Even though they broke up. Whatever.)
“He’s just a rock star. He’s a powerhouse. He’s a very sensual and sexual person, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he’s just so enticing sexually.”
Congrats, porn star! You just won a Susan Rosen and Steinmetz diamond bikini (a cool $30 mil) from Sheen for keeping that boy’s rod eternally in business with the ladies.
She said she is retiring from porn to focus on becoming a real actress.
“I can do this,” she said. “I’m so winning right now.”
I need a tranquilizer.
(When my brain hurts, I read Hugo Chavez’s tweets.)
Sweatin’ to the plankin’
Richard Simmons turned 63 on Tuesday. What did you get him?
(I kind of love him.)
He was photographed “planking” on a Los Angeles sidewalk in a rainbow blouse Monday.
Planking, you ask?
The new “trend” of lying down flat, mimicking a wooden plank, taking a picture and posting it on (insert social network platform).*
What a card!
*Please get out more, twits.
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