Charlie Sheen lost his bid for sole custody of his twins Tuesday.
An alleged coke-filled mansion allegedly adorned with alleged porn stars and alleged booze isn’t a safe home environment for toddlers?
Sheen can visit the kids as long as he passes court-mandated drug tests.
Ha! Take care, children.
This is sad news. Next thing we know, Kanye West is going to don womenswear.*
The only thing that will make me feel better right now is if Debbie Gibson and Tiffany announce a flashback tour.
They are! Panic attack averted.
*Done. He wore a printed Celine blouse during his Coachella performance. He’s precious.
Reunited and it feels so lame
Time to sexually assault an apple pie.
Oh dear.
The “American Pie” clan is back.
Elation just hit the bar ceiling over here.
Chris Klein, Seann William Scott, Jason Biggs, Eugene Levy and Alyson Hannigan have signed on for “American Reunion.”
Hollywood Headaches counsel: Axe Klein. Snag Christopher Guest. Build a DIFFERENT MOVIE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Klein is like a water chestnut amongst a vat of hot and sour soup. Paul Walker even trumps him. Whoa. Scratch the hell out of that.
If Tara Reid signs on, Hollywood, I’m not only divorcing you, but I’m putting in print what you made me do to you last week. Pervert.
You’re thin. We get it.
Miranda Kerr, eat a hot bowl of dicks.*
You’re hot and married to Orlando Bloom.
You had to go pose in an itsy-bitsy bikini for a Victoria’s Secret after just birthing a prospective delinquent three months ago. (Stars’ spawn = screwed.)
We get it. You lost the baby weight. Neat.
*Credit: Ice T. He serenaded Aimee Mann with said phrase last year. Best Tweet-fight ever.
Not news, homegirl
Evan Rachel Wood told Esquire she’s bisexual and into “androgynous things,” which is why she was attracted to Marilyn Manson.
She totally just called him a genderless, sexless hermaphrodite. In so many words.
Hey, if the platform heel and latex dress fits…
Cannon’s nervous
Nick Cannon is on “pins and needles” waiting for the birth of his twins with Mariah Carey.
Fear not, sugar tush. Tommy Mottola told me the pair of mini skirts she’ll pop out will be surprisingly low maintenance.
Hopefully the skirts won’t take after their mom’s shrunken head.
Her indiscernibly odd proportions scare me. Hold me.
Similar Posts:
- Charlie Sheen 20/20 Interview Spoof Video: Mind-Numbingly Inane
- Hollywood Headaches: ‘Gossip Girl,’ sans deux
- Hollywood Headaches: Sheen and Kimmel man-kiss
- Charlie Sheen rushed to hospital
- Martin Sheen says Charlie’s addiction is like ‘cancer’
